Ethan Slater's Ex-Wife Lilly Jay Breaks Silence on 'Public Downfall' of Marriage and His 'Celebrity' Relationship

Mar. 15, 2025

Lilly Jayis reflecting on the fallout after her marriage withEthan Slaterended.

Much of Jay’s words also address her life as a mom to her and Slater’s2-year-old sonin the contextof their divorce. As she explained, “Motherhood, I have learned, fills your time but not your mind.”

“In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, marveling at his sweaty little hands grasping a crayon, I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage,” Jay continued. “This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.”

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From L: Ethan Slater in Los Angeles on Nov. 9, 2024; Lilly Jay; Ariana Grande in New York City on Nov. 14, 2024.Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic; Amy Sussman/WWD/Penske Media via Getty; Bruce Glikas/WireImage

Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic; Amy Sussman/WWD/Penske Media via Getty; Bruce Glikas/WireImage

She added, “Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”

Slater, 32, and Grande, 31, began dating afterhis separation from Jayearlier this year and following her separation fromex-husband Dalton Gomez.

The Broadway actor’s divorce from Jay was finalized in September, 12 years after they began dating and nearly six years after their November 2018 wedding. (Their son was born in August 2022.)

Ethan Slater and Lilly Jay in New York City on June 4, 2018.Mark Sagliocco/WireImage

Mark Sagliocco/WireImage

Earlier in her essay, Jay admitted, “No one gets married thinking they’ll get divorced, in the same way we don’t board a plane expecting to crash. But I really never thoughtI would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.”

“In this season of shock and mourning, over a year after the end of my marriage was made public, I deeply miss the life of invisibility I created for myself as a psychologist specializing in women’s mental health,” she continued.

From L: Lilly Jay; Ethan Slater; Ariana Grande.Theo Wargo/GettyDominik Bindl/WireImageTrae Patton/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty

Theo Wargo/GettyDominik Bindl/WireImageTrae Patton/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty

Jay wrote that “people from [her] past have reached out to say they saw my face in a tabloid,” in relation to the controversy. But on the flip side, her “patients have remained silent.”

“At the Children’s Hospital, my invisibility was welcome protection from hard conversations for me and my patients,” she also said. “And while I still firmly believe in following my patients’ leads and not presuming to know what parts of my personhood resonate with them, the publicity I did not consent to increasingly feels like both a challengeandan opportunity.”

“If I’m discovered — as what, being vulnerable? — perhaps it could be a point of connection rather than a clinical liability,” she continued.

Jay admitted that she “feared that loss of control andpostpartum depressionwould destroy me” for her “entire adult life” — something that ended up happening. But she insisted she is “okay.”

“If I can’t be invisible anymore, I may as well introduce myself,” she added. “You know how a sponge is most effective at absorbing liquid when it’s already a bit wet? Maybe we can think about my messy not-so-personal life in that way: a dose of my own loss, rage, powerlessness, sadness that helps me hold yours.”

She also wrote of co-parenting, “While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not.Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percentof the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided.”

source: people.com