Tori Spelling Says She's Been in 'Fight or Flight' Mode Since Separation from Dean McDermott

Mar. 15, 2025

Tori Spelling in Los Angeles in 2023.Photo:Rodin Eckenroth/FilmMagic

Rodin Eckenroth/FilmMagic

Tori Spellingsounded off on her mental health struggles since separating from husbandDean McDermott, saying she’s been in “fight or flight” mode sincetheir splitin June 2023 and hasn’t had time to prioritize herself.

“I’m a single mom now, five kids, a lot going on, a lot to unpack… Dr. Hillary, help me,” said Spelling, 51, on the Dec. 6 episode of her podcastMisspelling,which was a recording of a therapy session with psychotherapist Dr. Hillary Goldsher.

When Goldsher talked about the process of sitting with our “messy” feelings, Spelling said, “That makes sense. But on the other hand, what happens if you’re in constant fight or flight mode?”

Tori Spelling and her five children at ‘Dancing with the Stars’.Tori Spelling/Instagram

Tori Spelling/Instagram

“All the time, people are like, ‘Oh my gosh, have you been in therapysince the divorce?’ and ‘Now you’re a single mom, there must be so much to talk [about].’ And I’m like, ‘Honestly, I haven’t had a chance,’ “ said Spelling, who sharesfive children—Liam, 17,Stella, 16,Hattie, 13,Finn, 12, andBeau, 7 — with her ex, McDermott.

TheBeverly Hills, 90210alum continued: “We all look at social media, and it looks great out there. That’s not what’s really going on. We’re putting our best foot forward on social media. What lies behind that is all the stuff that only our key circle knows about, if we let them in. So when I say fight or flight — and it’s hard for me, I’m so conditioned in this lifetime to be labeled words like ‘wealthy,’ ‘entitled,’ ‘Hollywood,’ ‘nepotism,’ it just goes on and on and on that I’m very quick to say… ‘My situation’s not as bad as somebody else’s.' “

“It’s been constant with five kids," continued Spelling. “And whether it’s emotionally, physically, financially, we’ve just been going.”

She referenced a comment McDermott “used to say” about putting on your own oxygen mask first, adding that her response was, “Absolutely not.”

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Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott in 2023.Andrew J Cunningham/Getty

Andrew J Cunningham/Getty

“I’m understanding that better now, but when life keeps serving you things — unexpected things — on a daily basis, you’re, like, ‘Oh, I got past that.’ And then you have a plan, all of a sudden, boom. And it’s day to day.”

“Divorce is nothing short of a trauma,” Goldsher told Spelling. “I am not surprised to hear that you’ve experienced — as many women going through divorce do — fight or flight system constantly activated.”

But when Goldsher talked about being “deserving” of getting in touch with your feelings, Spelling said it made her emotional: “It hit me really hard. I don’t feel like I deserve anything.”

“Something inside is, like, ‘You don’t deserve it,’” she said. “I’ve kept myself small for so many years because I thought I didn’t deserve it because of who my dad was, and I was handed90210. But I’m aware that while I was handed90210, I created that character. I sustained that character.”

“I’m aware of that, but… it just comes from that, and it’s hard to change it [at] 51 years old. I feel like I’m constantly climbing that hill, and I’m almost there, and then something happens. And I know everyone can relate to this on different levels, but it’s like, ‘Okay. Here I am, made it again on my own' — and boom, slipped back down that hill again.”

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

source: people.com