Why Did Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell Break Up? Inside the FormerBachelorCouple's Ups and Downs

Mar. 15, 2025

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James attend Variety’s New York Party at Loosie’s Nightclub on Oct. 5, 2023, in New York City.Photo:Jamie McCarthy/Variety via Getty

Jamie McCarthy/Variety via Getty

Nearly four years afterThe Bachelorfans first witnessed the beginning ofMatt JamesandRachael Kirkconnell’s love story, the couple have gone their separate ways.

Thepair first metwhen season 25 of the ABC reality dating show began filming in September 2020. James, who was the leading man, expressed his interest in Kirkconnell as early as night one, when he said that she is “beautiful, articulate, she’s sexy and she’s being open and vulnerable.”

After dating dozens of women throughout the course of the season, James presented Kirkconnell with his final rose. Although they didn’t get engaged, they left the show as a couple — albeit temporarily.

Later that day, she appeared on theCall Her Daddypodcast, where she opened up about the reason behind their break up.

Kirkconnell received James’ final rose onThe Bachelor

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James on season 25 of ABC’s ‘The Bachelor.'.Craig Sjodin via Getty

Craig Sjodin via Getty

During their time onThe Bachelor, the pair each expressed their deep feelings for one another, with Kirkconnell telling James at one point, “I feel like I’ve been searching for what feels like my whole life for this and now I feel like I finally found it.”

She continued, “The only worry is that I just don’t get you at the end of this.”

“Where I’m at with you is, when I’m not around you, I’m thinking about you,” he reassured her. “And you just make me smile.”

The season concluded with James sending runner-up contestantMichelle Younghome and choosing to forgo a proposal.

He gave Kirkconnell the final rose, and they left the show together as a couple.

They split before the show finished airing

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James on season 25 of ABC’s ‘The Bachelor’ during the “After the Final Rose” episode special.Craig Sjodin via Getty

While the season was airing, Kirkconnell’s old social media posts that included racially insensitive behavior — including attending an antebellum-themed party in college — began surfacing online. She issued an apology onInstagramin February 2021 in which she wrote that she was “learning and will continue to learn how to be antiracist” and wanted to be “held accountable for my actions.”

The next month, during the “After the Final Rose” episode special, Kirkconnell and James revealed that they had split.

James explained that he realized Kirkconnell “might not understand what it means to be Black in America” and wanted to “take a step back and allow her to put in that work.”

“i truly believe he was the love of my life,” she added. “he will always hold a piece of my heart. i’ll always be hopeful and believe what’s meant to be will be.”

They got back together in the spring of 2021 — and James said what they went through prepared them for the “future”

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James pose for a photo together in July 2023 in Denver.Rachael Kirkconnell/ Instagram

Rachael Kirkconnell/ Instagram

After some time apart, the pair rekindled their romance a few months later.

A year later, James further reflected on their breakup to PEOPLE saying that what they went through together “prepared us for our future.”

“It was crazy,” James said. “It felt like the world was against us. Some people felt like the situation was blown out of proportion and others felt like it hadn’t gotten enough attention. We were just trying to enjoy each other and grow our relationship without having to deal with people we didn’t even know weighing in.”

“We wouldn’t be together if that wasn’t the same goal,” he said, adding that when it came time to propose, it would “be something special because Rachael’s very special.”

They have been open about the challenges of dating in the spotlight

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James attend the Grand Reveal Weekend for Atlantis The Royal on Jan. 21, 2023, in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.Jeff Spicer/Getty

Jeff Spicer/Getty

During a July 2024 Q&Aepisodeon James’ YouTube channel, Kirkconnell explained that the most challenging part of their relationship is “having a lot of outside eyes on our relationship.”

“Trying to keep the peace and protect our relationship just within one another and not let that outside noise and people just looking in from the outside and giving their opinion even when it wasn’t asked for,” she said. “People just trying to tell us what to do and how to live.”

Kirkconnell added that, in the beginning, she would let the “outside noise” get to her, but she had since stopped letting it bother her.

James agreed, adding that the “biggest challenge” has been the “outside perception of how we should be going about our relationship.”

“You see stuff happen like, couples in our similar situation who are engaged end up breaking it off or calling it off because they rushed things or were doing things to appease other people,” he added. “No shots fired … respectfully.”

They traveled the world (and ate a lot of food) together

Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell on a ski trip in January 2022 in Park City, Utah.Rachael Kirkconnell/ Instagram

James began sharing clips of them trying restaurants around the world (and listing everything they ate) — includingsushi in London,burgers in Los Angeles,dumplings in Tokyoandlobster rolls in St. Tropez, France.

They’ve also taken trips to Disneyland inParis,TokyoandCalifornia— and shared food guides from each of those visits.

In November 2022, James shared photos onInstagramof him and Kirkconnell eating, captioned, “our love language.”

They broke up in January 2025

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James attend Sports Illustrated Club SI ahead of the F1 Grand Prix on Nov. 17, 2023, in Las Vegas.Ethan Miller - Formula 1/Formula 1 via Getty

Ethan Miller - Formula 1/Formula 1 via Getty

On Jan. 16, James announced in anInstagrampost that he and Kirkconnell had split after four years together (and just one day after he had shared aclipof them together in London).

“Father God, give Rachael and I strength to mend our broken hearts,” he wrote. “Give us a peace about this decision to end our relationship that transcends worldly understanding. Shower our friends and family with kindness and love to comfort us. And remind us that our Joy comes from you, Lord 💔.”

During the episode, Kirkconnell explained how she saw James’ Instagram breakup announcement just minutes before her plane from Japan took off — leaving her without WiFi and"in total shock"for the duration of the 12-hour flight.

Meanwhile, the Instagram account Deuxmoiposteda fan-submitted sighting the day before the episode was released that claimed James and Kirkconnell were spotted together in New York City, leading to speculation that the two had reconciled.

However, Kirkconnell shut down the rumors in the comment section, writing, “hmm wasn’t me lol.”

She denied rumors of infidelity

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James appear on ‘Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen’.Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty

Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty

Kirkconnell shared more details of their split during her appearance onCall Her Daddyand shut down the infidelity speculation further, saying, “The only thing that made me really sad was reading people saying that he cheated or that I insinuated he cheated.”

“He did not cheat. I don’t think he ever cheated,” she said. “At the end of the day, he’s at least a good enough guy to be faithful. I never worried about that, and so I just don’t want people thinking that he was this unfaithful guy that broke my trust or cheated or anything.”

They had an emotional exchange in Tokyo about picking a restaurant — which opened up “a can of worms”

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James attends the Boss Spring/Summer 2023 Miami Runway Show at One Herald Plaza on March 15, 2023 in Miami.Manny Hernandez/Wireimage

Manny Hernandez/Wireimage

Kirkconnell detailed onCall Her Daddythe days leading up to their breakup, including an emotional exchange over picking a restaurant for dinner — which she explained “open[ed] up a can of worms” and led to their split.

“We didn’t have an argument, but I was feeling very overwhelmed. I was trying so hard to find a good dinner spot for us. I was putting so much pressure on finding a good spot because he cares,” she said, adding that it’s part of his career to go to “good food stops.”

“He kept saying, ‘It’s not a big deal, it doesn’t matter,’ but I felt like it was a big deal and it did matter,” she said.

“I felt like whenever we would go somewhere and it was bad, it was just disappointing,” Kirkconnell later explained. “It’s important because you only have so many meals in the day … I’m trying to just make sure he’s getting good content for our trip because I know it’s important to him and it’s something that we’ll both post about.”

Upon getting to the restaurant — which she said “wasn’t what [she] thought it was going to be” — she recalled feeling “tired, cranky [and] emotional” and shedding two tears during their meal.

The pair didn’t speak about it until they arrived back at the hotel when Kirkconnell explained to him that she felt like she had “let [him] down.”

“He was just trying to tell me, ‘It’s not that serious, it’s not that big of a deal,’ " she recalled. “But then he was concerned about me getting so upset.”

Kirkconnell continued, “He was trying to express to me, ‘If you get emotional about little things like this, what is going to happen in life when something really terrible happens? How are you going to be able to react to things that are actually really scary or disappointing or sad?’ "

“It felt like I was being punished for crying,” she said.

Kirkconnell shared that James didn’t see them getting married in the future

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James are seen during Jerk Jam on day three of Nassau Paradise Island Wine & Food Festival at Atlantis Paradise Island on March 16, 2024.Alexander Tamargo/Getty

Alexander Tamargo/Getty

She continued, “We probably shouldn’t be together if you don’t feel like that after four years.”

source: people.com