Woman Says Boyfriend Asked Her to Learn Polish for His Parents and She Refused: It’s ’Just Not Doable’

Mar. 15, 2025

Two people learning (stock image).Photo:Getty/Gallo Images ROOTS Collection

Getty/Gallo Images ROOTS Collection

A woman listed reasons why she said no to learning the native language her boyfriend’s parents speak before they visit them in Poland for the holidays — in just two weeks — and now he wants her to stay home.

The 27-year-old turned to Reddit’s“Am I the A——?” forumto ask if she’s in the wrong for explaining to her boyfriend, 29, why it’s “just not doable” to learn another language in that short time frame and why it shouldn’t be a problem since his parents already “speak English pretty well.”

“My boyfriend was born in Poland and both of his parents are Polish, but he went to international schools growing up and has been living in the U.S. for the past 8 years,” she wrote. “He speaks English like a native speaker and only speaks Polish around his parents or other family members.”

The woman, who says she has been dating the man for “a little over a year,” noted that she is “super excited to meet his family and discover the country he grew up in.”

A couple arguing (stock image).Skynesher/Getty

Skynesher/Getty

“Here’s where we started to have a problem," she continued. “My boyfriend asked if I could start learning Polish … so that I could communicate with his family. I completely understand why he would ask and have no problem with the idea itself, however for multiple reasons this would be complicated for me, so I said no.”

She also added in her Dec. 4 Reddit post that they would be traveling to Poland on Dec. 19, “which is in two weeks so there’s no way I’ll have time to learn a language in two weeks, especially since Polish is pretty difficult.”

The woman went on to list other reasons for why she didn’t say yes, including being busy learning another language for work purposes.

A man teaching something (stock image).Getty/Westend61

Getty/Westend61

As a compromise, she told her boyfriend that she’d learn simple Polish words and phrases before their trip.

She also revealed that “both of his parents speak English pretty well, and some of his other family members too,” and suggested that her boyfriend just translate whenever there was a communication barrier.

“He got angry at me and said that I was disrespectful to his family and I wasn’t making efforts to understand his culture,” she recalled.

“He went on a rant about how Americans never make efforts to speak other languages,” she concluded, noting that she already speaksthree languages fluentlyin addition to the one she is learning. “He even told me that I should just stay here and not come with him for the holidays.”

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The majority of readers agreed with the original poster and pointed out how this should be seen as a majorred flag momentin their relationship.

“Do as he suggested and stay home. He is going to make your time there miserable,” one person replied. ”This is a harbinger of things to come and I would think about if this is the future you want.”

source: people.com